Why Does My Five Year Old Want Me To Sit With Them While They Fall Asleep

They still need you to co-regulate their emotions so they feel safe, calm, and relaxed enough to go to sleep. A big part of being a parent is helping our children to achieve this with co-regulation. (Co-regulation is when we model appropriate responses when we’re with our little ones.) We used to have this idea that we needed to teach children how to self-soothe, but we now understand that the ability to genuinely “soothe” yourself doesn’t reliably show up until around age 7 By sitting quietly in your child’s bedroom as they fall asleep you are not encouraging or enabling “bad habits” you are responding appropriately to their developmental stage, and the brain’s need for external support with regulating emotions in order to sleep. This will, over time, help your little one to feel safe and relaxed in bed, and when they are ready (typically around ages 7-9, but with a broad range of normal) they will let you know that you’re no longer needed at bedtime. (Or in the case of my 11yr old – he bluntly told me I was no longer wanted!)

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